Mission Possible

Welcome to the Adoption Harmony blog. AH comes to the public after a long brewing in my brain. It has taken quite some time to digest the surreal and get the images and words of real experiences into comprehensive language. My hope is to post stories about international adoptions penned by real adoptive parents

This is a MISSION POSSIBLE.



Thursday, October 22, 2009

First Time Parents

First Time Parents
Take the Rose Colored Glasses Off now!  The most important element in adoption is understanding  how to develop a Healthy Attachment with your new child no matter the age.  Many say, "Babies don't remember anything."  This is not true.  Their bodies do remember, and their minds have developed according to their past by the time you meet them.  Being open to the fact that your new child has a first family or home, and it was not with you.  They are with you now, and you must understand that their is nothing glamorous about the transition from the child's old environment to your new one. 

As many international adoption experts point out, "Structure equals Love" when a child first comes home.  Keeping the child's world very small is recommended.  Choose a FEW age appropriate toys for them, and all those ones you may have already bought, well, put them up on a high shelf and introduce them slowly one at a time. 

Many adult adoptees say that the adoption, in an of itself, was a trauma because it shook their world upside down.  If a child feels they have no control, and they really don't, then that is life or death in their comprehension.  This applies right down to the babies adopted at birth.   Their "wonderful new home" is a result of a loss.  Don't expect them to act grateful, and if they do, then it will be a gift for you. 
The honeymoon period WILL wear off, and when they child feels safe enough to test you and every boundary you ever thought about having, then you know they are probably making progress!  They trust you enough to test the waters. 

Having a well thought out and consistent discipline plan and daily schedule are one of the most loving acts you show to your new child. Prepare for it.  Put your heart into it.  Your child will respect you for it later on, and attachment will go easier. 

A great website to read about bonding and healthy attachment comes from one of my favorite sites called RadZebra.org.   
You will find articles such as  What is Healthy Attachment?
 

Sunday, October 18, 2009

What's In A Name? The Russian Naming System

What's In A Name? The Russian Naming System

"In formal or official situations, Russians address each other by using both a person's first name and his or her patronymic. the patronymic invariably is derived from the first name of the person's father. For example, Sergey Ivanovich is literally Sergey, son of Ivan, and Tatyana Andreyevna is Tatyana, daughter of Andrey.

Additionally, Russians are extrememly fond of using diminuatives when addressing each other in familiar situations. Although some diminutives may be slightly derogatory, the majority are used to express closeness and /or tenderness.

Note also that all Russian words carry stress on only one syllable. "

Excerpt taken from "The Works and Days of Svistonov: A Novel From the Post-Revolutionary Bolshevik Years

by Konstantin Vaginov, Copyright 2001 USA

Translated from the Russian by Howard Shernoff

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Referral Videos

 What to Expect? Video by www.childrensnet.org on UTBUBE

                                 

  

   

  

                          

      

      

Friday, October 9, 2009

Russian Family Magazine Reviews

Spotlight Reviews on Russian Life Magazines by Adopters

5 Stars
A Wonderful Magazine
by Tatiana Elizabeth Lyulkin from Daly City, CA USA on Feb 12, 2009

Just got my first issue of Russian Life. As an adopted child reseaching one's heritage, I can say that Russian Life is a lifeline, a bridge of sorts between Russia and yours truly. I think it's a "must have" for anyone truly interested in Russia and its future.




5 Stars
Russian Life Magazine
by Nancy Ruth Davis from Arlington, VA - USA on Jan 2, 2008

Beginning in the early 1960's I lived in Yugoslavia and other Eastern European areas which I loved despite the very oppressive circumstances. My love for the Balkans was renewed last year on a wonderful trip to Ukraine. Russian Life Magazine beautifully reports and reflects the newness and vigor Russia and that part of the world offers. I eagerly await every issue.




5 Stars
A Resource For Russian Adoptions
by Virginia Citrano from russia.adoptionblogs.com on Nov 25, 2007

Whether you are thinking of adopting from Russia or raising a child born there, "Russian Life" will expand your family's understanding of Russian culture, history, literature and certainly of Russia today.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

When Two Souls Collide: A Story of Untion

WHEN TWO SOULS COLLIDE: A Story of Union
                                                                          A.P.
Chronicles of an international adoption in Russia gone terribly wrong is the entertwining plot of this autobiographical work by the anonymous author "AP."  When Two Souls Collide starts off spinning the story of the roller coaster ride of emotions and the plethora of complexities involved in uniting a traumatized toddler from a Russian orphanage with a soul searching mama-want-to-be. 

Within the US adoption agency rules and the foreign inter-country adoption bylines, a single mom with hopes of expanding her family follows the trail of mystery and intrigue that leads to a tiny village in Russia where a 19 month old toddler who has never had a parent, and is available for adoption only after no Russian family can be found, is suffering neglect and with a wild case of scabies.

Why must these children suffer so when US and other foreign parents are begging to adopt them?  That question becomes irrelevant as author, A.P. begins to see how the two main characters, the mama-want-to-be and the toddler meet and the tale that follows.

Snippet of When Two Souls Collide
 He lays there with his bottle propped against the old woolen blanket with the nipple cut out so the keifer will flow faster.  You see, no one caretaker has had the time to hold the babies in their ward. There are too many mouths to feed and not enough help to rock the whimpering babies or even to make eye contact with each one. The babies are used to it.  It's all they know.  If they are lucky, there feral brains develop a shell of survival instinct that takes over so their human hearts don't break.  Some manage to stay alive despite the eerie silence and lack of touch or care.  The babies learn early on that crying won't get them anything.

Their only language, crying, means nothing.  If they live, minimal food and shelter is all they are afforded. The orphanage is poor. Young birth mothers are scolded for visiting their babies in the orphanage because it only makes the children cry more later and expect to be held.  That won't do.  After all, the caretakers of the babies, the mamushka's, don't want to see the babies suffer more than necessary.  No visiting is best.  No extra attention is best.  Stealing a little of the babies' bread and milk to feed their own children at home is justified.  The salary is so low and the hours are so long-it is their right to take a small portion for themselves, right? Taking just one toy from the babies' small collection for their own uses is "just borrowing."  No one will notice...except the babies have just a little less to live on.  After a while, the baby house desensitizes the workers to the ophan's lightless plight.  Most know the orphans are the plague of society anyway, or else they wouldn't be there. 

He's waiting and she's waiting, but the people and rules in between are not for the faint of heart.

Book Release Date Pending....Check back for information on When Two Souls Collide.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Adoption Poetry



Born not from our flesh,
But born in our hearts,
You were longed for and wanted
And loved from the start.

Author: unknown
Provided via email by Tatiana at World Links International Adoption Agency

Pictures of Dossiers Ready to Go to Russia

Files Ready to Go

This photo and the comments came to me today in an email from Titiana at World Links International Adoption Agency. She said, "I recently joined the technologically advanced crowd and now have a smartphone capable of taking good-enough quality pictures.  We had two dossiers ready to go to an Embassy and I decided to take a picture to show you what a complete dossier looks like. The one on the left is for an individual, and the right one is for a couple."


Provided by World Links International Adoption Agency
 tatiana@wliaa.org

Adoption Movies Review

The Italian DVD by Sony Pictures Classic Older Teen/Adult Film
* Running Time: 99 Min.* Rated: PG13
Synopsis

For most Russian orphans, the chance to be adopted is a dream come true. But six-year-old Vanya has other hopes. After discovering his mother is still alive, the abandoned boy teaches himself to read so as to learn her address from his personal files. Before a wealthy Italian couple can claim him for their own, Vanya sets off on a perilous journey to find his only remaining family. Pursued by orphanage staff and the police, the determined runaway must now face the most difficult challenges of his young life in this incredible story inspired by true events.
Cast and Crew

* Stars: Yuri Itskov, Mariya Kuznetsova, Dariya Lesnikova
* Director: Andrei Kravchuk
* Producer: Andrei Zertsalov
* Genre: Drama
* Studio: Sony Classics
* Sub: English (US), French (Parisian), Spanish (Latin Am)
* Color/B&W: Color

Adoption Harmony Review:
Dreaming of being adopted is the norm for the Russian orphans in this movie, with one exception.  A young six year old boy has an Italian family interested in him when he finds out his birth mother is still alive.  Showing the living conditions and staff, as well as the children and their ploys to survive, the Italian will, as I've said before, force you to see where these adopted children are coming from.  The main character in The Italian, Vanya, struggles to search for his birth mother before the Italians can take him away from all he's ever known.   He will have to learn another language and is forced to speak to these strangers through an interpreter.  He has no idea why they would come all the way to Russia to adopt him and their motivations are not offered.  The vulnerability of Vanya and all the children in this co-ed orphanage are realistic.  The neglect and shame given to the orphans by the society only compounds their isolation.  This is all very realistically shown throughout the film.  Bring your Kleenex's!

If you have adopted a Russian boy, and so many of us have, then you may see a child in this film that looks like your son.  The main character so closely resembled my son that I did not keep a dry eye for most all of the movie.  The movie has English subtitles but is spoken in Russian.  I watched this one several times, and have on my keep-safe shelf.  It is another must-see and ought to be a prerequisite for pre-adopters because it shows what we all see when we go to the orphanages, which can be haunting.  In any case, it would be a prep for what is about to come and a plea for all the older kids that are never adopted.  Vanya will capture your heart and not let go.  This is a Mission Possible movie for sure! 

Order this DVD by going to www.sonypictures.com


Adopted & When Love is Not Enough DVD by Point Made Films
*Running Time: 80 minutes
*No Rating (preteen to Adult)
*Accompanied by Adopted-We Can Do Better
*Entire Series Time:  2 hours 12 minutes

Synopsis:

About Adopted

Jen and her mother.
We’ve seen them in grocery stores, playgrounds and at our children’s schools– little Asian girls with their loving white parents. Of the 1.5 million adopted children in the United States, international adoptees are the fastest growing segment, of which most are Asian girls. While many of their stories are heartwarming and reflect our image of American compassion and generosity, the realities are much more complex. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, adoptees have significantly more behavioral problems than non-adopted children.
Jacqui and Roma.Adopted reveals the grit rather than the glamor of transracial adoption. First-time director Barb Lee goes deep into the intimate lives of two well-meaning families and shows us the subtle challenges they face. One family is just beginning the process of adopting a baby from China and is filled with hope and possibility. The other family’s adopted Korean daughter is now 32 years old. Prompted by her adoptive mother’s terminal illness, she tries to create the bond they never had. The results are riveting, unpredictable and telling. While the two families are at opposite ends of the journey, their stories converge to show us that love isn’t always enough.

My Review:
This film's theme in the largest segment is of an adoptive mother to an Korean young lady.  The story they portray is shocking.  The denial of the adoptive mother that the daughter, adopted in Korea as a baby, should have any curiosity about her Korean family of origin was pathetic.  But I've seen it in families right here in Austin.  The daughter practically begs her mother to open up and talk to her and validate her needs to search are unmistakable a must see.  The courage of this young lady is inspiring and sad.  It doesn't portray negativity of her childhood or her adoptive mom, the mother does that pretty well herself.  Watching the family dynamics of this rejection is the point of the film made by none other than, POINT MADE FILMS. The story of the second family starting a Chinese adoption is not much different than ones I've seen on U-Tube, although it is always entertaining to me to watch the actions and reactions during the process of adopting a child. Overall, this film needs to be in your library of must-haves.

Accompanying this video is the companion DVD We Can Do Better.  It is partly narrated with interviews of the Korean adoptee in Adopted and a navigation through the ways in which we, as adoptive parents, can communicate with our children about their families of origin.  Some of the segments are repetitive of the Adoption movie, but are isolated into specific areas of the international adoptee's needs to search for personal identity.  This accompanying DVD could be used for any type of adoption educational seminar and is, indeed, for that purpose.  High Five from Adoption Harmony on the making of this documentary in its entirety.

Order this film by going to PointMadeOnlineStore.com.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Adoption Books Adult

The Russian Word for Snow, Written by Janis Cooke Newman
Critics called this one ," a riveting, nail-biting saga" of a true story of Russian Adoption back when only one trip was required.  This account is a can't put down book ALL adopters, and ought to be required reading for pre adopters.  The Russian Word for Snow captures the true saga of the journey of meeting and falling in love with an infant in a crib, accepting responsibility for the child and then the begging, praying and waiting for the day you can take the baby home as your own.

Janis Cooke Newman reveals her own true story in is such a way that I felt like I was there with her cheering and grieving at each stop.  For an adopter who hasn't taken the first trip to meet your child or the adoptive parent, like myself, who is already back, this book is a like a movie showing the roller coaster road for the not-so-faint-of-heart, but then has the ending that we all want-getting home with your new child.  An amazing and great read.  Definately a Mission Possible book!
       
                                                                    

Adoption Children's Books

Mishka, An Adoption Tale
Written by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista and illustrated by Miranda R. Meueller

For readers age 4 and up, this tale is a realistic one that shows parents going to get their older toddler child from an orphanage.  Mishka has a great sense of being written by an author who has been through the adoption process and gives it the ending MOST people experience-a family is formed + one Mishka (teddy bear).

The clever narrative given from the perspective of the mishka is what makes this story work. The pictures are so well done that it mimics some photographs in our life book from our adoption.  My son and I keep it on the regular reading shelf because it is one that can be read over and over and at different ages of development.  It is general enough that we could put in our own story as we went.  Normalizing the adoption process for our children and opening up a gateway for communication is the key-and I believe this book is a must have for your adoption library.