First Time Parents

First Time Parents

Take the Rose Colored Glasses Off now!  The most important element in adoption is understanding  how to develop a Healthy Attachment with your new child no matter the age.  Many say, "Babies don't remember anything."  This is not true.  Their bodies do remember, and their minds have developed according to their past by the time you meet them.  Being open to the fact that your new child has a first family or home, and it was not with you.  They are with you now, and you must understand that their is nothing glamorous about the transition from the child's old environment to your new one. 

As many international adoption experts point out, "Structure equals Love" when a child first comes home.  Keeping the child's world very small is recommended.  Choose a FEW age appropriate toys for them, and all those ones you may have already bought, well, put them up on a high shelf and introduce them slowly one at a time. 

Many adult adoptees say that the adoption, in an of itself, was a trauma because it shook their world upside down.  If a child feels they have no control, and they really don't, then that is life or death in their comprehension.  This applies right down to the babies adopted at birth.   Their "wonderful new home" is a result of a loss.  Don't expect them to act grateful, and if they do, then it will be a gift for you. 
The honeymoon period WILL wear off, and when they child feels safe enough to test you and every boundary you ever thought about having, then you know they are probably making progress!  They trust you enough to test the waters. 

Having a well thought out and consistent discipline plan and daily schedule are one of the most loving acts you show to your new child. Prepare for it.  Put your heart into it.  Your child will respect you for it later on, and attachment will go easier. 

A great website to read about bonding and healthy attachment comes from one of my favorite sites called RadZebra.org.   

You will find articles such as  What is Healthy Attachment?